Nobody knows when we’re leaving, or how far we’re going, or what we’re doing when we get there, or what anybody means by “art” anymore. While the smug Portlanders of Team North pack their perfectly good boats with camp supplies, bacon, coffee and sea shanties, the intrepid Californians of Team South send text message after text message describing a surreal shit-show of oil leaks, exploding truck transmissions, missing tires, delay after delay after delay as they struggle to haul two heaping truckloads of artwork and floatation all the way up from San Francisco and Oakland. Our joint expedition has budgeted one whole week to traverse the minuscule fraction of the Willamette River between Oregon City and Portland, a mere 15 miles, but we’re starting to wonder if we’ll even get that far.